"Where"

The only hope I have
Feels so far away from me
My doubts have doubled size
And now they're all-consuming

I'm troubled with these thoughts
Of the past and what I see
And I'm wondering why in my darkest times
You never appeared to me

Where are you
Where did you go
I'm being tossed to and fro
I rise and fall like an ocean wall
Being led where the wind blows

You've already done more
Than I could ever think to ask
But right now I need to see a spark
To get me through this darkness

And I've told myself before
That things are on the up and up
But I'm getting to a point where
Better isn't good enough

I want more than this
I want to know where it all fits
Am I alive,
Am I asleep?
Am I getting out
Or in too deep?
Help me

I'm fighting to hold my ground
But it feels like shifting sand
All I thought I knew before
I just don't understand
I don't understand

So where do I start
Where do I go
When will I reap all the things that I have sown?
I sit in fear waiting just to hear
When I'm finally left alone