"Make Me Real"

I want to be poetic
I want something simple
To sound complex
So I can go in and dissect
And make it easy
So I can wrap my mind around it
Then box it up and call it mystery

But the truth isn't simplistic
And I can keep beating my head
Trying to see it there
I could search for it in prayer
But will you find me?
And if you do, what happens then?
Will I go through all this again?
Divide me

Make me real
Make me feel
If I exist inside your universe
Then show me how I fit there first
Make me real
Make me feel
I'm tired of all the things I've tried
And I need to know that I'm alive

It all starts with a sin
And then follows with a question
Proceeded with doubt
How does it work out
That I feel safer here
Than when I'm trying to follow you
When my vision isn't clear

I'm looking back on everything I've known
Trying to see ahead but at the same time not let go
But when I look to you I just feel so alone
Is that why this place feels like it's my home?

I want to be real
I want to be sincere
I want this to be an honest effort
And not instinctive out of fear
I want to know the truth
And let it be real
Not just a somber reawakening
That my heart can barely feel
Just make me real

What you're offering sounds good to me
But still isn't taking shape
Should I stop trying so hard to see
And let your hands mold the clay

But what will be made of me then?
I don't want to embrace the emptiness
But I can't sit here and pretend
That I believe whole-heartedly
When there's a missing part of me
That still feels insecure
I just need to be made sure

I'm tired of hypocrisy
So I'm giving up my righteousness
And letting you define me

This is not rebellion
This is the question why
So my ears are open wide
Waiting for your reply